I don't have to do Everything

I'm excited this morning that some of my gardening work will be completed! My neighbor has agreed to spend some time planting my rose bushes and digging up the flower beds I'd like to put in. The whole project has been frustrating me because I couldn't get to it. Illness, work, and general busy-ness of day-to-day life with four kids has ended up with a neglected yard. But I have such plans for it. I can see it in my head, just couldn't get to making it happen. There is such prep work needed. My neighbor has beautiful gardens and cares for the local fairgrounds flowers. It is so cool that she has time to help me with this.

My approach to the garden is part of a recent revelation that I don't have to do everything I want myself. That sometimes it is less expensive and more fruitful to hire someoene else to tackle the task. Last week I was able to hire my teenage brother to clean out my car (oh yeah!) and pick-up the spare room that had stuff everywhere. It was some of the best money I have ever spent. The two tasks just made me want to cry because I just couldn't get to them, they were driving me crazy, and I really wanted them done. Not only did they get done, because the spare room was in order again, we were able to convert it this weekend to an office space for my husband, which took care of another issue that was driving me (and him) nuts.

Yes, these things cost me money, but in reality is a fraction of my hourly rate and soothes away huge weights that were adding stress to me and to my household. I was able to focus on the items that I needed to deal with - my family and work - without worrying about how I was ever going to get these things done.

So, by the end of today, my two rose bushes and two azaleas will be planted and the planned flower beds will start to take shape. Oh this is a wonderful thing.

All Things are Possible

There are many things I'd just rather not do, but need to. And some I'd like to do, but feel I can't, or shouldn't, or don't have time or talent for. Today, this evening, I am reminding myself that "All things are possible through Christ who strenghens me" (Phillipians 4:13). Because - today, this evening, I am once again sitting down to work, when I would really prefer to be sleeping, reading, hanging out with my family, or many other more pleasurable pursuits. But instead, I am writing and trying to get my head into the right mind frame to complete the task in front of me.

It's not that I don't like what I do or my assignment. It's that there are other things I'd prefer to be doing. but alas, I've run out of time and now a deadline is looming (in the morning.) I've contemplated the assignment, made notes on it, re-written it in my head dozens of times, but now comes the final work - of finishing it and submitting it for approval. Ah - maybe that the crux of my challenge - now I must open myself up to failure and success. I must hit my assignment dead on or at least 95%. That is my challenge. I can do this - if I put my mind to it and pray for help, for focus, for insight. I can do this; I just need to do it.

This is an old conversation; one I've had many times with myself - over many things. I must suck up the fear, the insecurities (oh how many of those there are) and focus on what is needed. And listen quietly to what my intuition says to be true. To what I know, without explanation, to be right. If I try to be anything more, it is contrived, and not authentic. I must set aside self. Focus on the need, ask for insight, and tell myself - "I can do this." For this I know to be true - if I ask, Christ will help. If I am willing to listen and obey, all things are possible. This I have seen. This I know for a fact.

I just need to bolster myself and remind myself. I can do this - through He who strengthens me. I can do this.

Quote of the Day
"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

-Phillipians 4:13

Struggling to be Reasonable

I can't explain it, but this week I'm off. As I told my husband, I'm struggling to be reasonable when I don't feel reasonable. My filters are not working well this week. Gratefully, my dear husband understands. And because I am communicating with him rather than snapping at him, he's giving me the space and consideration I need to deal with this hazy, nagging, yucky feeling I have over me this week.

I don't want to snap at anyone; I don't want to yell or nag at anyone. But it's there right at the edges and I can't trust my filters to work properly to keep all that negativity neutralized. So the quiet and the peace and the break from humanity is welcome. Through prayer and communication with my husband, maybe I can get through this gunk in my brain without causing anymore hurt feelings and bruised egos than already exist. I can hope...

Quotes of the Day

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
-Proverbs 21:9

"Better to live in a desert than witha quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."
- Proverbs 21:19

"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity."
- Proverbs 21:23

A Lesson Learned: Receiving Guidance

In recent weeks, I've drifted away from blogging at the beginning of my day, treating it as something that goes after family and life. But what I have discovered is that, in doing so, I've also put aside my time studying God's word and centering my priorities on His alignment.

I use this blog for accountability, and in reality over the last few weeks I have not been very accountable. I've struggled, putting work and kids first again, and have not made as concensious effort to align my days and activities, and thoughts, properly. I need to get back to blogging first thing in the morning, because before I blog each day I reflect in God's word or in an area of my life I'm struggling with. By having this quiet time and accountability, I find myself more centered through the day and have the faith that everything will get done in its proper timing. The panic and anxiety isn't nearly as present, because I'm centered on God's purpose, not on my own.

Yesterday, I recieved two books by Cyndy Salzmann. Eager to get back to God's word in a facilitated manner, I picked up Making your Home a Haven last night and started reading. This morning I looked up one verse, Ephesians 5:8, but in my error, I actually started reading Galations 5 (one book earlier). It turns out as my day has gone on (and this blog entry interrupted), that Galations 5 was exactly what I needed to mediate on this morning. Amazing how God provides guidance exactly when we need it - if we are willing to ask.

A lesson learned.

Quotes of the Day

"It is for freedom that Christ sets us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

-Galations 5:1

"So I say, live by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

-Galations 5:16

Returning to Self

I'm wondering today what it was that caused me to give up the simple pleasures of life. A bowl of grapes, fresh fruit, steamed vegetables, sparkling water mixed with juice, a cup of mocha, handfuls of magazines.

Tonight I sit at the kitchen table enjoying a treat - a large bowl of sweet grapes, vanilla Yopliat custard-style yogurt, and soon a tall glass of ice water. In front of me are three new magazines, fresh from the magazine stand at the grocery store. A few quiet moments allowed me snack on grapes, puruse the magazines as my husband read to my daughter.

In these simple things I am restored, mentally relaxed, and ready to go again. So why did I stop this? Oh yeah, money. It was less expensive to forgo these pleasures, or so it seemed. Now I'm not so sure that the short-term savings was really worth it. I enjoy my fruit and magazines, and my mental and physical health is better for it. And so is my family.

I'm Back!

For the last few weeks, I've been off attending to life and planning/strategizing on how to deal with the various issues I have - like the condition of my home, my need for an income, how not to yell at the kids during clean up time, and most recently - how to encourage a 15 months old to throw up without freaking out.

Yes, that last one sounds a bit strange. We've ALL been sick. I'm so sick of everyone being sick. Even my husband, who never takes time off for illness, took a day off. But there is a light at the end... Kate is better today; Joshua got through the day with no medicine and the little ones didn't scream nearly as much today.

I took a break from blogging to deal with things at home, to attend to larger matters, to finish a few projects, and start new ones. I still have a backlog; but I also have new possibilities lined up. The most exciting of which is the fact that I'm going to teach a writing class starting in April.

I love (and miss) training and I love writing. This class is designed for non-writers and those with writer's block. I'm calling it "Unlock the Writer within You". It's fun and exciting - though a lot of work right now trying to pull all the materials together in between everything else. But once I've got the materials together, life is good. This feels right. I know that God will send who he wants me to teach to the class. I just have to do the promotion and prepare my side.

I have no quote for today, because quite frankly I've fallen off the bandwagon and need to get realigned with my personal studying. This is what happens when I put other things ahead of God. Time to get realigned again. Draw another line in the sand and start again. My motto.

Good thing I know I'm not perfect. Try Try Again. Oh here's one of my favorites:

Quote of the Day
"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."
-L.M. Montgomery in Anne of Green Gables