The Balancing Act

It strikes me today that I miss focusing on business and technology. For the last few weeks, I've been focusing on all the other areas of my life that I need to learn and grow in. I've neglected the area that I've excelled in over the last few years.

Part of balance is finding a way to integrate what I enjoy from my old life with what I enjoy and want to pursue in my new life.

Part of being emotionally healthy is not to sacrifice any one of the various aspects of my personality, interests, and beliefs. That is what caused the problem in the first place - I swung so far into my job and work and sacrificed so much of what I wanted for my family and personal life.

As I look at my success principles - the ones I figured out last week - I realize that I must make progress against the whole, not just one or two.

Break things into chunks, create a map, a path, of how to create success in these areas, but be sure to include each of the areas. Because if I swing too far into one, the others will suffer. Success in a balanced life will only come if I consider all the aspects.

>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"'Sharpen the Saw' is preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have - you. It's renewing the four dimensions of your nature -- physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional."
- Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

From Explosive to Calm

By 6am it was evident that my plans for the day were not going to work. By 8, I pretty much had determined that the kids and I were not fit for spending the day with others - far too explosive. So much for knitting and breadmaking.

But, despite my expectations, today has been wonderful. Kate had an invite to visit a friend - the one she likes to do quiet imaginative play with, so she finished her homework in record time and has spent the day with another girl instead in the company of her brothers.

Josh considers this "the best day ever" because Kate isn't here to boss him around - and he has gotten three hours of one-on-one time with me - including cooking brownies and making play dough. Three of his favorite activities are cooking, eating chocolate, and playing with play dough.

Zachary happily practiced his knife skills with playdough and sprayed water from a squirt bottle outside.

Esther got to play with measuring spoons and a bowl full of dry rice.

And I got a nice quiet, comfortable day at home. Even had time to update the blogs, investigate some markets, and work on a new book idea.

Wow.

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"You are my Lamp O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light."
- 2 Samuel 22:29

A Day of Positive Association

Who we associate with often makes a huge impact on how we live our days and the choices we perceive we can make. Today, as I spent the day driving my kids from one activity to the next, I appreciate this.

As a parent, the activities we went to - swimming lessons, play group, and Karate, put my oldest daughter in association with positive, friendly, caring friends - and put me around other moms whose company I enjoy and women I admire.

As a person, I notice the difference from associating with others in my former job and those I now associate with as a person and as a freelancer. The weight, the worries, the conversation are all different. Today, I am happy with my association - it feels - pleasant, calming, slower.

Even though I'm tired and really just want to sleep for a while, I don't feel strung out and exhausted. Just in need of recovering from a short night.

Just think - tomorrow I get to go spend a few hours with other ladies making bread and learning to crochet, while my children with theirs how learn to churn butter. Amazing.

>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company."
- Booker T. Washington

Re-defining Success

Last night, I took time to pick up a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks and sit with my journal - a rare, luxurious treat. In doing so, I found myself realizing that I need to re-define success.

My world has changed. How will I feel successful in this new reality? Sucess is subjective; it means different things to different people. For me, my old definition of success just doesn't apply anymore.

What do I consider success?

I realized that I really need to break my definition down by role or priority. How do I define success:
- as a wife?
- as a parent?
- as a homemaker?
- as a writer?
- as a person?

The exercise proved fruitful and centering. I now feel like I have a clear vision of where I want to be in these roles and life priorities. With a clear vision, now I can move toward them, rather than stumble around, grasping at too many things.

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"Failure will never overtake you if your determination to succeed is strong enough."
- Og Mandino in The Greatest Salesman in the World

Not Perfect, but moving forward

This morning, instead of immediately coming to the computer and blogging my entry, I needed to take action instead - and blog later.

As I looked around the room, five baskets of laundry to fold, kids who needed to get breakfast and school work done, and a husband who was looking for a pair of blue socks (in the baskets of laundry.) The better use of my time was to be accountable to my priorities, rather than write about being accountable. So that is what I did.

And now, at 4pm, as I prepare to go off to a board meeting and then back to work, I feel good. I know I have done something to move my priorities forward. It's not perfect yet. But as I told my daughter today, no one is perfect. What matters is that we recognize that, allow ourselves to make mistakes, and practice so we get better.

Holding My Tongue

This morning I'm operating on only three hours sleep and those around me are experiencing it. I must take extra effort today to hold my tongue and keep my filters intact. How can I expect my children to learn to install their own filters, if I'm not able to keep mine in place?

Filters are what I refer to as a visual image to remind us that everything we think does not need to be said. I've been working with the older two kids with this mental image so they know they don't need to yell or say mean things. The image I used with Kate is the strainer we use to make her noodles. Imagine a pot of hot water and cooked noodles. We need to get out the noodles (the good stuff), so we pour it through a strainer (filter). All the hot water goes down the drain, while we are left with the noodles (Yummy!).

This is the image I must keep in mind today as my filters are weak when I have little sleep. No one needs me to have a sharp tongue. It helps no one.


>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"A man who lacks judgement derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue." - Proverbs 11:12 NIV

Cooking with Kids

Greg asked me today to start a new blog - one about that journals our adventures in finding and trying out convenience cooking recipes. Since cooking is a family affair at our house, he thought it would be fun to go back and read our experiences with various make-your-own mix, crock pot, and make/freeze-ahead recipes. If you are interested, please join us by commenting or sharing your own experiences.

Contributing Financially

For the last few weeks, I’ve been studying A Wife after God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George. One idea she presents is that as wives we contribute greatly to our husbands and household budgets by being wise, thrifty, and diligent in managing our home.

How true this is – and how easy it is for me to forget it.

For nearly two years, we lived on my income, while my husband managed the home and the kids. When he would get upset over not being the “provider”, I’d remind him how much he was providing for us. We weren’t paying child care for 4 kids. He was cooking our meals, often from scratch, and doing the household chores (much better than I!). He was saving us thousands each month! And – he was eliminating huge child care related stresses that I would have otherwise had to deal with, making it much easier for me to work.

So in realigning my life, I need to remember this. Especially when I am stressing over how to meet the income requirements he asked me to meet as a freelancer. I can contribute not only monetarily but also in savings. I need to look at how I am spending my time and determine if it is better to spend the time savings us money or earning us money.

For example, I can have fun spending time with the kids making convenience foods (mixes, frozen meals, etc) or I can spend energy working (which causes to us to use store-bought convenience foods or eat out more). There is a balance to find here too.

>>>>Quotes of the Day>>>>
“You contribute even more by heartily supporting your husband…as he puts forth the effort and hours – to do his part in providing for your family” – Elizabeth George in A Wife after God’s Own Heart

“You contribute much to your husband by the wise, thrifty diligent management and oversight of your part of the household budget…”
- Elizabeth George in A Wife after God’s Own Heart

Supporting Our Husbands

I am touched and humbled this morning by Hope Wilbank’s post yesterday. As a mother, my heart breaks for her daughter. My own five year old is fascinated by soldiers and war and as a mother I dread the possibility that he will one day decide to join the military, but I will honor and respect him if that is a choice he makes. We spend a lot of time in our family discussing freedom, responsibility, and sacrifice. Our soldiers all over the world deserve our respect. And our soldier’s families need our support.

Hope’s post reminds me more how fortunate I am. I take my husband and all he does for us for granted far too often. In realigning my life, I must make more of an effort to honor and edify him – to show appreciation and build him up - especially in front of the children and others.


>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” – Proverbs 31:12

Non-Judgemental and Non-worrisome

Again, 5 am and I'm up to work - ahead of my family, trying not to stress over work and trying not to judge others. I do not know what I do not know. This I must remember. Each person has their own perspective of reality and brings that perspective to every situation. The bible tells me not to be judgemental and not to worry. Instead I must focus on what is within me, and what is important to create excellence in all areas of my life - to remain prayerful and in alignment. This is where I must focus...

>>>>Quotes of the Day>>>>
"Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you" - 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path." - Proverbs 3:6 (NIV)

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ' Let me take thespeck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.'" - Matthew 7:3-4 (NIV)

And because it bears repeating today - and everyday until I get it ingrained:
"It makes a big difference in our lives and days when we stop paying attention to distractions and choose the actions that reflect our desires and goals." - Kathy Srabian, intuitive consultant

Celebrating Success

I love to watch others accomplish their goals – maybe that’s why I love parenting and writing so much. I get to be a part of that – get to celebrate the success of others and encourage others. Yesterday I found out that Mother Devoted launched – I’ve been looking forward to this new resource to learn from – And I do have much to learn!

Also, I’m excited this week to “meet” Lori and enjoy her blog Keeping the Home – already I’ve learned much from her articles. And I can’t wait to try out her Oatmeal Milk Bath recipe.

It constantly amazes me how people are placed in my life just at the time I need to meet them, whether I realize it or not. Thank you to those who are praying for me, helping me be accountable, and sharing with me the lessons I need to learn to meet my own goals. Your time is valuable, thank you for sharing it!

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”
- Hebrews 13:2 (NIV)

Self-Talk

My oldest daughter, Kate, loves to draw and is constantly pronouncing herself a “good artist”. But yesterday, she contradicted herself.

In the morning she was coloring in a detailed picture of an African woman that she had drawn, lamenting on how she likes to draw and is "such a good artist". Then an hour later she was telling her supervising teacher that she “wasn’t a good artist” .

Huh! That got my attention!

I called Kate on her remark – It wasn’t acceptable – what comes out of our mouths and is in our heads then becomes reality. In Kate’s case, she didn’t want the pressure of drawing something new with someone watching (she likes to draw in private or during art class without the pressure of someone hovering.)

After the incident was over, and Kate is back to pronouncing herself a “good artist” I realized I do the same thing. I’m constantly giving my self questioning self-talk about writing, about home-making, about how I manage my time, or the organization (or lack of it) in my home.

Self talk is powerful. Overtime we begin to believe what we hear – regardless of whether it is rooted in truth. And, our internal voices are just as powerful as the spoken voice – because we hear it more than any other voice. I must install an internal filter to overwrite any of this questioning or negative self-talk with something positive, or at least neutralizing. After all, only I can make the decision to change. No one else can do it for me.

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
“Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen.”
-Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Accountibility and Responsibility

It is five am on aTuesday and I am up, ahead of my family, to work. Because I didn't do my work yesterday. It is I that must hold myself accountable to my priorities and not continue to impact my family with my work. And I ask you to hold me accountable as well. Finding balance is about putting what is important first and balancing that with the responsibilities of life (in my case, working).

Working is not an option for me. It is something I must do. Gratefully, I enjoy my work. But it pulls at me and pulls me away from my family - but only because I allow it to. In my perfect new world, I will find a way to integrate my work with my family priorities. But for now, I work at the work that God has provided for me. For it is indeed He who has provided for my family. I must not let the pleasurable distractions pull me away from what is truly important - alignment in God's priorities and excellence in everything I do. But how to find that balance - Oh this is a struggle for me.

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"It makes a big difference in our lives and days when we stop paying attention to distractions and choose the actions that reflect our desires and goals."
- Kathy Srabian, intuitive consultant

God's Gifts - Part 2

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesizing, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve. If it is teaching, let him teach. If it is encouraging let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously. If it is leadership, let him govern diligently. If it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
- Romans 12: 6-8 NIV

God's Gifts - Part 1

"Zachary is better than I am, " my five-year-old cried, reacting to his sister praising his two-year-old brother for counting.

"No. Zachary is different than you are," I reminded him. "God made you different than Zachary. He made each of us different and has a special purpose for each of us. You can do things that Zachary can't do, just as Kate can do things you can't do. We all have our own special gifts."

This conversation was one of many Joshua and I have had on this subject. But it was also one of several events this weekend, where I was indeed reminded that we do all have special gifts. The bible specifically reminds us to that we are all created unique and should not consider ourselves better than another. (Romans 12)

I must remember that with the various gifts that I have, not only did He intend for me to use them, but also to apply them to His purpose and within His ordained alignment. This is the challenge I must look at each day. Am I serving Him or man with my gifts? And along the same thought, am I using the gifts he gave me or hiding from them for fear?

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"For do I now persuade men or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ"
-Galations 1:10 NIV

Focusing on what's important

I am interested in too many things! I keep overcommitting myself with little downtime. This is an issue I need to address - or maybe a habit that needs a new habit overlaid. Either way, I must find a way to say 'No' to the interesting and focus on what is important. Right now, keeping myself in alignment is my priority. It is what is important. This I must remember.

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
"We must say 'No' not only to things which are wrong and sinful, but to things pleasant, profitable, and good which would hinder and clog our grand duties and our chief work."
- Elizabeth George in her book, A Woman after God's Own Heart.

A New Beginning

This journey began in earnest a month ago - when I fully committed to re-aligning my life - to put God, spouse, family, and home before work. A very novel approach - for me. For the last few years, work has come first, with kids a close second. There's been absolutely very little left for my husband and nothing left for myself or anything else. I was burnt out, exhausted and ill.

Today, I am healthier, lighter in spirit, and easier to deal with. But this is a struggle. I must constantly remind myself of my new priorities. This blog will serve as my accountability journal - a commitment - to myself, to those around me, and to those who are like me.

>>>>Quote of the Day>>>>
'Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will. ' - Romans 12:2 NIV