Overcommitted

For the last two weeks, I've been trying to get a grip on my world and not necessarily succeeding at it. I suffer from being interested in too many things, from constantly being overcommitted. For the last two weeks, I've been trying to remedy that.

I've started each day with a prayer asking for focus on what is truly important that day, and have tried to trust in God to provide me with guidance as I go through my day. I've had to concede to defeat (or brokeness) in several cases, cancelling commitments because I just couldn't handle them.

Now that I don't live on soda and adrenline rushes, I can't do as much - and I don't want to. That life is behind me. It wasn't healthy for me or anyone else around me. Now I just need to learn what I can do with my normal everyday energy. It's not an easy task - learning to change behavior - but I'm working on it. One step at a time.

Happy Engagement Anniversary!

Eleven years ago today, after spending a couple hours driving me all over Rochester Minnesota looking for a tax form, my husband officially proposed to me. Amazing that on a difficult short-tempered day, trying to find forms for income tax returns in two states, he still felt like proposing.

Eleven years, four children, and many challenges and adventures later, he is still here, putting up with my flurries of frantic (or manic) activity. Happy Engagement Anniversary Greg! - and thank you.

A Cup of Inspiration

Hope Wilbank's post yesterday, "10 Ways to Inspire Yourself" has me smiling this morning. This is worth printing and posting on the bulletin board by my desk.

Celebration

Today I received a letter of celebration from a client. It began "Dear Department of Celebration, I'd like to report the following celebrations I've held:" and then goes on to list all the things she is celebrating in her life. It made me smile - one because it is an example of what she would like to see me do, and because it lightens my heart to hear her celebrations. We are to rejoice, if we look hard enough, even on gloomy difficult days, there is usually something to rejoice and celebrate. I'm off to write my own letter to the "Department of Celebration". What are you celebrating?

Preparing the soil to reap the rewards

My new garden/flower beds are wonderful! All that black soil waiting for flowers, herbs, and yes - even a few vegetables. But the soil didn't start out black. There was a lot of weeds, grass, and tons of rocks in the way. After the first layer of grass and weeks were removed, a several inches of composted manure was spaded in. Now it is lovely, full of promise. I just need to do my job of planting, weeding, and watering.

Not unlike in my life. In a week of heavy work (three deadlines) and splurges (the garden beds, a movie with the kids, a new office chair for Greg), I must remember that financially and priority-wise I must be diligent in my weeding to ensure none of the old mistakes are repeated.

Lately, it's been on my heart that maybe I should tell our story - of mistakes and overcoming - the struggles and the miracles. I'm still praying on this, but know if you are struggling in the area of finances - know that God is faithful. He does provide our needs. We may not be able to see how we'll pay for food or diapers,or clothes or shoes, or even the roof over our heads, but if it is truly a need and you have even the smallest grain of faith in you, God will ensure your needs are met. I don't just believe this - I know this. We may not always like the answers, and definitely don't always get our wants. But, He promises to fullfill our needs - and does. Just ask and be open to the response.

I don't have to do Everything

I'm excited this morning that some of my gardening work will be completed! My neighbor has agreed to spend some time planting my rose bushes and digging up the flower beds I'd like to put in. The whole project has been frustrating me because I couldn't get to it. Illness, work, and general busy-ness of day-to-day life with four kids has ended up with a neglected yard. But I have such plans for it. I can see it in my head, just couldn't get to making it happen. There is such prep work needed. My neighbor has beautiful gardens and cares for the local fairgrounds flowers. It is so cool that she has time to help me with this.

My approach to the garden is part of a recent revelation that I don't have to do everything I want myself. That sometimes it is less expensive and more fruitful to hire someoene else to tackle the task. Last week I was able to hire my teenage brother to clean out my car (oh yeah!) and pick-up the spare room that had stuff everywhere. It was some of the best money I have ever spent. The two tasks just made me want to cry because I just couldn't get to them, they were driving me crazy, and I really wanted them done. Not only did they get done, because the spare room was in order again, we were able to convert it this weekend to an office space for my husband, which took care of another issue that was driving me (and him) nuts.

Yes, these things cost me money, but in reality is a fraction of my hourly rate and soothes away huge weights that were adding stress to me and to my household. I was able to focus on the items that I needed to deal with - my family and work - without worrying about how I was ever going to get these things done.

So, by the end of today, my two rose bushes and two azaleas will be planted and the planned flower beds will start to take shape. Oh this is a wonderful thing.

All Things are Possible

There are many things I'd just rather not do, but need to. And some I'd like to do, but feel I can't, or shouldn't, or don't have time or talent for. Today, this evening, I am reminding myself that "All things are possible through Christ who strenghens me" (Phillipians 4:13). Because - today, this evening, I am once again sitting down to work, when I would really prefer to be sleeping, reading, hanging out with my family, or many other more pleasurable pursuits. But instead, I am writing and trying to get my head into the right mind frame to complete the task in front of me.

It's not that I don't like what I do or my assignment. It's that there are other things I'd prefer to be doing. but alas, I've run out of time and now a deadline is looming (in the morning.) I've contemplated the assignment, made notes on it, re-written it in my head dozens of times, but now comes the final work - of finishing it and submitting it for approval. Ah - maybe that the crux of my challenge - now I must open myself up to failure and success. I must hit my assignment dead on or at least 95%. That is my challenge. I can do this - if I put my mind to it and pray for help, for focus, for insight. I can do this; I just need to do it.

This is an old conversation; one I've had many times with myself - over many things. I must suck up the fear, the insecurities (oh how many of those there are) and focus on what is needed. And listen quietly to what my intuition says to be true. To what I know, without explanation, to be right. If I try to be anything more, it is contrived, and not authentic. I must set aside self. Focus on the need, ask for insight, and tell myself - "I can do this." For this I know to be true - if I ask, Christ will help. If I am willing to listen and obey, all things are possible. This I have seen. This I know for a fact.

I just need to bolster myself and remind myself. I can do this - through He who strengthens me. I can do this.

Quote of the Day
"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

-Phillipians 4:13